I’m at a loss, I want to write about something that happened over the weekend with my friend but can’t help thinking, it’s about marriage and writing it will make it seem like I’m fixated on the whole marriage thing. Well, at the cost of seeming like a man hunter out to marry the next man who so much as looks at me, here goes…
She’s making my wedding dress, the one I’ve always dreamed of wearing, I designed it and even drew it ( I can’t draw to save my life but I did a pretty good drawing of this dress) and that’s the dress she’s going to make for her own wedding! Give me a gun now please!!! I have my hand over my face because I feel like such a petty cat but it does grate a little to know that the dress I always wanted and thought would be uniquely mine has been taken by someone else without my permission no less!! Here I go again being the petty cat (hand over my face).
I got to thinking, and I wondered, is it such a big deal that she’s going to be wearing my dress? Shouldn’t I be pleased she thought my design was good enough for her to make for her own wedding? All these are reasonable I believe, but it doesn’t change the fact that she took something that I was very passionate about and i feel betrayed. It’s pretty much like your friend stealing your man or your friend going to pay for the car you wanted despite knowing how badly you wanted it.
I guess there’ll always be times when people we care about will hurt our feelings; the best way to handle it is to let it go and do better for yourself. For instance, I’ve decided to design an even more fabulous dress for myself and the thought of that makes me happy. So, its straight to the drawing board for me. Xoxo
Monday, September 5, 2011
Friday, September 2, 2011
When you give me love…..
Right now, I’m listening to Katie Melua’s – No fear of Heights, and it’s the most beautiful song ever, I can’t get over it and I don’t want to. I’ve got it on replay and I’ve also decided that it’s going to be the first song my husband and I dance to on our wedding day! Any man who gets me to walk down the aisle with him totally deserves to have this amazing song dedicated to him.
On the wedding note, I have three of my best girls getting married between December and January, I am very happy for them but it also throws into sharp relief the fact that I am very single, a position my mother believes I’m determined to hold on to till she dies just to spite her for “training” me with knocks on the head while I was growing up:). On the contrary, I am more than willing to relinquish my hold on that title but for some reason I haven’t met anyone who I want to wake up next to for the rest of my life, they either have too much teeth or none at all:).
Seriously though, when I think about it, I realize that I could be married by now with maybe a kid or two but I’ve been waiting for someone who gives me love and I’ll have no fear of falling. Is that naive? Does such a thing exist? Have we been deceived by all those years of reading Mills & Boon into believing there’s a guy out there that will make us swoon and sigh with love? Does love really exist? I’m not asking about lust or sex but the real deal, that selfless giving that makes you sacrifice all you have and all you are?
I would really love to hear from a couple who have those feelings for one another so it’ll give those of us who have been holding out for it the nerve to keep going. How long can I keep waiting for it though? And what if it doesn’t exist? Dare I even begin to consider such a thing after all the time spent waiting?
I don’t have all the answers though but if there’s one thing I know for sure, it’s that with God all things are possible. So I guess he’s the hope I have that one day I’ll meet someone who makes the wait worth it
Three weddings! The perfect reasons to splurge on shoes without feeling guilty! Yay! Bring me those weddings and really cute men, lol ;) xoxox
On the wedding note, I have three of my best girls getting married between December and January, I am very happy for them but it also throws into sharp relief the fact that I am very single, a position my mother believes I’m determined to hold on to till she dies just to spite her for “training” me with knocks on the head while I was growing up:). On the contrary, I am more than willing to relinquish my hold on that title but for some reason I haven’t met anyone who I want to wake up next to for the rest of my life, they either have too much teeth or none at all:).
Seriously though, when I think about it, I realize that I could be married by now with maybe a kid or two but I’ve been waiting for someone who gives me love and I’ll have no fear of falling. Is that naive? Does such a thing exist? Have we been deceived by all those years of reading Mills & Boon into believing there’s a guy out there that will make us swoon and sigh with love? Does love really exist? I’m not asking about lust or sex but the real deal, that selfless giving that makes you sacrifice all you have and all you are?
I would really love to hear from a couple who have those feelings for one another so it’ll give those of us who have been holding out for it the nerve to keep going. How long can I keep waiting for it though? And what if it doesn’t exist? Dare I even begin to consider such a thing after all the time spent waiting?
I don’t have all the answers though but if there’s one thing I know for sure, it’s that with God all things are possible. So I guess he’s the hope I have that one day I’ll meet someone who makes the wait worth it
Three weddings! The perfect reasons to splurge on shoes without feeling guilty! Yay! Bring me those weddings and really cute men, lol ;) xoxox
Monday, August 15, 2011
I wanna be starting something.....
All I can really think is how do I make more money? While a nine to five job is great, it’s still not enough! How can I help myself? What can I do that brings me indescribable joy and still puts cash in my pocket?
Okay, let’s see;
Dancing... nah
Singing... no way
Aristocracy... not likely
Writing... hmm, not sure...
Trading... not unless i'm ready to start shooting people cause that’s what I'll do to my debtors!
Then it hits me, Eureka!! Film making, documentary making to be precise!
Yes, I could see myself doing that but wait a second that fulfills only half of the dream; I mean I’ll love to film but what about the money bit? How can I make money from doing this?! And so I went on to question this for 2 years and here I am still searching for something to do that will bring me satisfaction and the much needed cash that will turn my little egg nest savings into a full blown dragon nest savings:)
I’ve come to realize that I for one spend a lot of precious time analyzing and weighing instead of just doing. Sometimes, we need to just do, stop asking too much questions and over thinking a situation. I believe all the prolonged questioning might be our sub-conscious trying to change our minds from doing stuff because we think we can’t handle it or make it work. This is not to say giving an issue thought is wrong, on the contrary its the best way to go but when you find yourself giving reasons why none of your ideas will work out then i believe its time to stop. At this point, run your ideas by someone knowledgeable weigh the pros and cons and work towards achieving it.
It’s quite possible that even after making the decision to start, somewhere in between we abandon the project. For instance, after i decided to start the documentary making process, with the help of a friend i got a camcorder to start with, just filming stuff and basically learning how to handle the camera and understanding it and what I hope to achieve with it. It took me 2 months after getting the camcorder to buy a memory card which I was supposed to use with it! Did I mention the shop were memory card is sold is just at the end of my street and I go by it every day after work?!
I’m just glad I have it now and hopefully I’m starting for real now and won’t pause in between. This I believe is how dreams become reality; be determined and take steps in the direction geared towards making your dreams as real as they can get. If you can dream it it’s very possible to achieve it with determination, heart and prayers. With these three ingredients, I don’t think there’s anything we can’t achieve.
Do something you’ve always wanted to but have been too scared to try; it’s good for the heart. It may not turn out exactly how you planned but you’ll have done something and conquered your fear.
I pray for the grace for us all to achieve our fullest potential and to live this life flying high like the rockstars that we are;)
Feel free to share something about you and the chance you took on something. Xoxo…
Okay, let’s see;
Dancing... nah
Singing... no way
Aristocracy... not likely
Writing... hmm, not sure...
Trading... not unless i'm ready to start shooting people cause that’s what I'll do to my debtors!
Then it hits me, Eureka!! Film making, documentary making to be precise!
Yes, I could see myself doing that but wait a second that fulfills only half of the dream; I mean I’ll love to film but what about the money bit? How can I make money from doing this?! And so I went on to question this for 2 years and here I am still searching for something to do that will bring me satisfaction and the much needed cash that will turn my little egg nest savings into a full blown dragon nest savings:)
I’ve come to realize that I for one spend a lot of precious time analyzing and weighing instead of just doing. Sometimes, we need to just do, stop asking too much questions and over thinking a situation. I believe all the prolonged questioning might be our sub-conscious trying to change our minds from doing stuff because we think we can’t handle it or make it work. This is not to say giving an issue thought is wrong, on the contrary its the best way to go but when you find yourself giving reasons why none of your ideas will work out then i believe its time to stop. At this point, run your ideas by someone knowledgeable weigh the pros and cons and work towards achieving it.
It’s quite possible that even after making the decision to start, somewhere in between we abandon the project. For instance, after i decided to start the documentary making process, with the help of a friend i got a camcorder to start with, just filming stuff and basically learning how to handle the camera and understanding it and what I hope to achieve with it. It took me 2 months after getting the camcorder to buy a memory card which I was supposed to use with it! Did I mention the shop were memory card is sold is just at the end of my street and I go by it every day after work?!
I’m just glad I have it now and hopefully I’m starting for real now and won’t pause in between. This I believe is how dreams become reality; be determined and take steps in the direction geared towards making your dreams as real as they can get. If you can dream it it’s very possible to achieve it with determination, heart and prayers. With these three ingredients, I don’t think there’s anything we can’t achieve.
Do something you’ve always wanted to but have been too scared to try; it’s good for the heart. It may not turn out exactly how you planned but you’ll have done something and conquered your fear.
I pray for the grace for us all to achieve our fullest potential and to live this life flying high like the rockstars that we are;)
Feel free to share something about you and the chance you took on something. Xoxo…
Sunday, March 6, 2011
The Return
Where to begin….I guess Happy New Year is a good enough way to start this. Next is the reason for the long silence; I can only say that I was looking for depth. I started to feel that writing about my life was not good enough material; I had to write about stuff that affects people’s lives, after all who cares about my life? I’m not famous or aspiring to be famous and in need of some publicity! My reason for starting again? Someone asked me for my blog address because he wanted to know the real me of course I was very vague and after a while he dropped it. After I got home I decided to come here and I read my previous blogs and they reminded me of various times in my life, some funny and some sad. It felt really good, coming back and revisiting old memories and I just had to do this again. I’ve always loved to write but I don’t think i have the level of concentration it takes to write a complete book so this is me doing something I love in a way that works for me. It’s almost the same reason I like greeting cards; you can get to the gist of a matter with just three lines:) I figure I may never write about ridding the world of poverty or saving the world from the devastation of the violence which seems to be constantly taking over; but I can certainly do me and if the silliness of it can bring a smile to someone’s heart then my work will be done. I now understand there’s too much pain and suffering in the world, too much politics and too many know it all’s who are big on words but never act. The responsibility now rests on every one of our shoulders to find that one thing we can do that makes us happy regardless of other people’s opinions. I guess for me, this is doing me so make sure you go do you!
So, I guess all I’m trying to say with the big grammar is I’M BACK!!!
PS: I now do greeting cards designs, words and all; I also have a couple designs for t-shirts and I’ll be uploading some of them here really soon! Catch y’all laters xoxo!
So, I guess all I’m trying to say with the big grammar is I’M BACK!!!
PS: I now do greeting cards designs, words and all; I also have a couple designs for t-shirts and I’ll be uploading some of them here really soon! Catch y’all laters xoxo!
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Save me
Somebody save me! i dont care how you do it just save me!!!!
The reason for my shrieking? Yesterday i go over to my Ma's to help her decorate her home for Christmas as a good daughter, i also take her some souveniors i made for a client's event as a very good daughter. What do i get for all my goodness? I'll tell you, while setting up the living room she calls, i answer and she starts asking for details of how much the gifts i made for the client cost and i give her all the info and as i turn to leave she says, "If i make 150 of these and...." at this point being the inqusitive cat that i am i ask what she's doing gifts for and she says, "For your wedding of course!". Need i say i was in absolute shock and with my hand on my head i ask her, "You seriously called and was interogating me for this?! I guess at this point i must add that i'm seriously single with all my present options lacking a certain something, i wont go into details so i dont make you really sad. Needless to say this sort of not so subtle hints have been trailing me for some time now and i really need rescuing! So, somebody save me! i dont care how you do it just save me!!!! xoxo.
The reason for my shrieking? Yesterday i go over to my Ma's to help her decorate her home for Christmas as a good daughter, i also take her some souveniors i made for a client's event as a very good daughter. What do i get for all my goodness? I'll tell you, while setting up the living room she calls, i answer and she starts asking for details of how much the gifts i made for the client cost and i give her all the info and as i turn to leave she says, "If i make 150 of these and...." at this point being the inqusitive cat that i am i ask what she's doing gifts for and she says, "For your wedding of course!". Need i say i was in absolute shock and with my hand on my head i ask her, "You seriously called and was interogating me for this?! I guess at this point i must add that i'm seriously single with all my present options lacking a certain something, i wont go into details so i dont make you really sad. Needless to say this sort of not so subtle hints have been trailing me for some time now and i really need rescuing! So, somebody save me! i dont care how you do it just save me!!!! xoxo.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Evolving
It's amazing how little people will think of you while you're still in the process of becoming the person God has destined you to be. It's ok though, because what they think does not really matter, at the end of the day it’s what you think of yourself that counts. Don’t let anyone dictate who you are by their expectations of you, for they are not your God. I may not be all i want to be but i know for sure I’m still evolving and those who can’t see the gift that i am now, will perhaps recognize it a little too late.
I am especially grateful for the life i have, i can say there have been days i wished i could just lie in bed and not get up and there've been days I’ve felt totally ecstatic like nothing could ever go wrong. In other words, I’m living! And sometimes that’s really all you can do, live. We are alive so there's much to be thankful for even though it might not seem that way all the time (trust me i know). The presence of God's grace in our lives is not that there will be no storms but that we will weather and overcome the storms. I am not a preacher, I’m certainly not holy enough for that :) but i feel the need to encourage myself and as many who read this. Do not give up hope; believe in yourself and God's promise to his children that he will forever be by us.
Alright, that being said, let me not spoil this by gossiping today, I’m being good :) but there's plenty jist! I'll get to every alarming detail soon enough. XOXO!
I am especially grateful for the life i have, i can say there have been days i wished i could just lie in bed and not get up and there've been days I’ve felt totally ecstatic like nothing could ever go wrong. In other words, I’m living! And sometimes that’s really all you can do, live. We are alive so there's much to be thankful for even though it might not seem that way all the time (trust me i know). The presence of God's grace in our lives is not that there will be no storms but that we will weather and overcome the storms. I am not a preacher, I’m certainly not holy enough for that :) but i feel the need to encourage myself and as many who read this. Do not give up hope; believe in yourself and God's promise to his children that he will forever be by us.
Alright, that being said, let me not spoil this by gossiping today, I’m being good :) but there's plenty jist! I'll get to every alarming detail soon enough. XOXO!
Friday, December 3, 2010
How i feel
Sheet! Lol! So i shouldn’t curse, well sheet then! I know it’s absolutely ridiculous and i have no clue why i just said that. Well, today i want to start off by writing about substituting. I feel like i compensate for the things that are lacking in my life with coffee. I mean, it’s my life so i should know when i start forming habits, right? When the going is good i can do without coffee and i decide i need to cut back on my intake. Then when things get pretty crazy, i fall back into coffee mode needing it to kick off my day, sustain me through the day and settle me down to a restless night.
I've even started jogging again, not because i feel the need to be health conscious but because i need to calm my agitated soul. I can’t sleep so i pound the streets at 5am or some minutes past 5 instead of tossing and turning in bed. The good thing is I’ll probably have a better shape if i carry on this way by the time i get past this phase. I should be happy, i have a job that pays, a roof over my head, a guy who says he wants my heart in his hand... but I’m not (You know the heart in hand bit is serious material for jist , right? :) Anyways, i haven’t been able to shake my restlessness and i find it hard to pray, i know it’s bad because it’s at this point i really need God's grace but it’s difficult. I try though, but i know i can do better. I guess we all go through phases when we're not pleased with our lives, this is it for me. For starters, i miss someone who i have absolutely no business missing because i only cause him drama; my closest friends are far away; someone i considered a friend pissed me off because i don’t have a car; i have no love to call my own which is not from a lack of looking or prophesying positively :) and i keep getting questions like when is it? who is it?; I’m detesting a client i have to work with right now and i have to keep smiling even when I’m thinking," if i could just bash your freaking face in!". But there could be worse things, my friends could be dead and not just far away; the one i miss could be oblivious to me; i could be without a job and no pay hence the possibility of me ever getting a car nil; i could have lost my ability to ever love and my faith in it as well; and i could be living with someone as annoying as my client. My life could be all of these things but it’s not so i guess there's a silver lining and much to be thankful for.
Life is what it is, it’s never perfect but it’s ours to live and the decision to look forward with optimism remains ours. I may not be all i want to be, have all i want to have but i know that things will not always remain like this, I’ll look back someday soon and say," Wow, how did i ever make it this far" (Amen) Xoxo.
I've even started jogging again, not because i feel the need to be health conscious but because i need to calm my agitated soul. I can’t sleep so i pound the streets at 5am or some minutes past 5 instead of tossing and turning in bed. The good thing is I’ll probably have a better shape if i carry on this way by the time i get past this phase. I should be happy, i have a job that pays, a roof over my head, a guy who says he wants my heart in his hand... but I’m not (You know the heart in hand bit is serious material for jist , right? :) Anyways, i haven’t been able to shake my restlessness and i find it hard to pray, i know it’s bad because it’s at this point i really need God's grace but it’s difficult. I try though, but i know i can do better. I guess we all go through phases when we're not pleased with our lives, this is it for me. For starters, i miss someone who i have absolutely no business missing because i only cause him drama; my closest friends are far away; someone i considered a friend pissed me off because i don’t have a car; i have no love to call my own which is not from a lack of looking or prophesying positively :) and i keep getting questions like when is it? who is it?; I’m detesting a client i have to work with right now and i have to keep smiling even when I’m thinking," if i could just bash your freaking face in!". But there could be worse things, my friends could be dead and not just far away; the one i miss could be oblivious to me; i could be without a job and no pay hence the possibility of me ever getting a car nil; i could have lost my ability to ever love and my faith in it as well; and i could be living with someone as annoying as my client. My life could be all of these things but it’s not so i guess there's a silver lining and much to be thankful for.
Life is what it is, it’s never perfect but it’s ours to live and the decision to look forward with optimism remains ours. I may not be all i want to be, have all i want to have but i know that things will not always remain like this, I’ll look back someday soon and say," Wow, how did i ever make it this far" (Amen) Xoxo.
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