Catching up

I finally worked up the courage and asked Marcus to stay away from me, i even went as far as deleting him from my BB. He wasn't pleased but he's respected my wishes, afterall he doesn't plan to leave his girlfriend and i never wanted him to.. I am sad, i miss him terribly but i know that i cant go back.

I already knew what i was going to do so i pretty much held on to every moment with him, knowing it was going to be over really soon. We spent a lot of time together just before the end and as always, they were good times. I know without a doubt that i did the right thing, but it doesnt feel that way sometimes. A picture, a song, a word, these things remind me of him and it gets hard but i'll get over it so it's going to be okay.

I've moved houses and i can happily say that i'm doing ok, it's been tiring but it's also been good. My major problem is, living in two different places, i didn't realise how much property i've acquired and having them all in one place is quite oppressive! I have stuff all over my room, its like i'm dodging clothes and shoes and all sorts! I've packed two big bags full with stuff i want to give away to make space.

At a point it felt like i was losing my home and Marcus all at once and it was all too much but i managed to get past it. I think i'm handling this pretty well because i prepared for it so i'm not devastated, i just really miss him. He was quite funny, smart, he had a really cute smile and he did let me hit him (a lot!) I listened to someone that said, just because you love someone, dont expect to be loved in return, just be content that the feeling grew in you...

I cannot say that i love Marcus, i really dont know what that is, i just know that i cared for him, wanted to be with him and didnt care about what he had to offer and i do know that i wish him the absolute best.

I think its time i really confront this love thing, what is love? Really? I shall be addressing this issue very soon and i have a feeling that i shall have a wide range of diverse answers to this one.

So, here's to making the right decisions no matter how much they hurt; trusting God, to lead us right; and to understanding what love really is...xoxo