Letting go, the hardest thing.

Letting go is the hardest thing to do, and I think it hits you the hardest when after all the time spent trying to let go, someone does the unthinkable and mentions the name of the person who you should be letting go of and it feels like your heart just slammed out of place and into your ribcage and you aren’t quite sure what’s stunning you, the fact that your heart moved or the fact that it moved when the person’s name was mentioned.

After all this time, after all the self-talk about you being able to do better by far and the talk from your friends telling you what a punk your punk was, your silly little heart still didn’t get the memo. After your eyes almost wept blood, after your fingers went through the pain of deleting all those messages and pictures, after your feet pounded pavement in a bid to erase him, your thighs still hurt from all the jogging! After you stopped your poor ears from listening to songs you love because it reminds you of this person, after your brain made a fantastic case for why you should be apart and how you can do better, your silly little heart still did not get the memo! Isn’t the entire body supposed to work as a unit?! Isn’t every part of you supposed to support every other part of you?! How can your heart not get this memo?! How can my heart not get this memo?!

How is this even possible! What makes it even worse is when said individual has moved on totally, doesn’t even mention your name like they never knew you existed, that is just the killer! Whoever said letting go was hard lied, it’s the hardest thing to do. Especially when you want to but it seems like the world is conspiring against you. All of a sudden the person’s name becomes the most popular, everyone has the same name, everywhere you turn every girl is called Julia, everywhere you turn every boy is called John! Even the carpenter now wants to go by his other name John! Seriously?!!!

I honestly cannot say the surest and fastest way to letting go but I’ve realised in my experience that if you don’t go through the natural process of anger, pain and grieving you won’t move on. Don’t repress the feelings, just feel what you feel and then slowly but surely you will start to heal but while you’re at it you must not forget the most important thing of all: make new memories! Start living again, go out, learn to dance, sing out loud, laugh, be open to new experiences, try new stuff, if you can afford it make time and take a trip, live! Try to do all these and pretty soon you’ll begin to feel like yourself again.

I guarantee you that we cannot remain the walking wounded forever. So, here’s to surviving that train wreck and coming out on top and still remaining open to finding what everyone is really looking for; True love….Xoxo. I was listening to A Thousand Years- Christina Perri when I wrote this and for some reason it made me weepy (I am not the weepy sort, nothing wrong with the weepy sort though) Don’t know why i put that down... Live! Xoxo!

Oyibo o!

Ok so I’m on a roll today, I can’t seem to stop writing. What is with some, dare I say most of us and phonetics bikonu? I have come to the conclusion that if someone is speaking with an accent to us, I think we instinctively feel the need to match the persons tone regardless of whether we can speak it or not!! I mean, why else will someone who can’t string two proper tenses along to save his life try to speak phonetics when he’s having a conversation with someone who’s speaking with an accent?! Instinct I tell ya! Don’t get it twisted o, I find that I’m not above such blatant oyiboism because the other day, a Doctor from a clinic I visited called me and he was speaking with this very nice Britico accent and I found myself going all British and when I realised what I was doing, I rolled my eyes at myself! In my mind I said to myself, ”C’mon! Seriously?! ” But by then I was too far gone to stop so I brazenly went at it, kilode?! Why do they think we can be oppressed by oyibo?! Lol, it’s so silly but it occurred to me so I figured I’d write about it. Xoxo!

Oh yea now my internet isn’t working so I’ll just have to save this and upload it tomorrow. Smh for Swift network, una try o.

R.E.S.P.E.C.T

Am I the only one who gets seriously freaked out and upset when someone uses their laptop without permission? I mean it’s not like I’m hiding anything but it’s my baby! I’m the only one who has a right to touch d’Artagnan! Lol, I know this may come across as being dramatic but it’s how I feel. Just because I didn’t carry him home with me the night before doesn’t mean I want to get to work the next day and find someone’s been touching and using him without my permission!

And yes, I named my laptop d’Artagnan aka Memphis, I love d’Artagnan in Three Musketeers and I love Memphis Raines in Gone in Sixty Seconds, who says I can’t get the best of both worlds?!

Anyways, we all have a right to what we like and don’t like and I do not appreciate people who take or use my stuff without permission, it’s that simple, just ask me! So of course I have told the culprit how I feel and changed my password to make sure that doesn’t happen again otherwise, heads will roll!!

I’m all done with my tirade now.

This may seem like being dramatic to some but at the end of the day we all have our little traits and this is mine. After all, I don’t complain about guys who won’t let anyone else drive their cars….. In other words, let’s all try to respect each other. Have an awesomefull day Xoxo!

Talk, Speak, Say, Tell ... just let it out

Being busy is putting it mildly, i’m organising an Arts Exhibition and it’s been really tedious, I’m grateful for the opportunity to get involved in something new though so despite it being kinda stressful, I’m enjoying it. The not so great part about it is getting sponsors, how do you get off telling someone to give you 1 million when they aren’t even prepared to part with 1 naira?! Anyways, something will work out, I hope!

So, work is going great but my personal life as always is a total riot, I don’t know how I do it but I feel like I deserve an award for being “Impossible at relationships”. The only silver lining is that I made up with my best friend who I stopped speaking with because I just felt like not speaking with her. Ok, that’s not entirely true, I didn’t stop speaking with her because I just didn’t feel like. I did because I was going through a phase were I felt like I was in my own little world and going through my own personal struggles and no one understood. I felt like I was alone and I magically expected her to sense it and try to get me out of the hole I was sinking into but of course she is not a witch and didn’t know, considering that she had personal issues of her own and I didn’t talk to her.

Well, I eventually got over myself and mended the rift. I finally appreciate that there are times when the people who care about us will sense when there’s a problem, but sometimes they won’t. Sometimes we hide it so well that even when we’re hoping they see, they don’t. If you don’t talk about it or let someone in, there are chances you’ll drown in your pain because the truth is everyone has their own issues and much as they will love to help you, chances are they can’t see past their own pain. The trick is to stay open, to talk to one another and try to be the support system that friends and family are meant to be. People have lost out on great relationships because they couldn’t say what was on their minds, we can’t afford to keep making the same mistakes over and over again, just say what’s on your mind and hope for the best. No, work at the best.

Oh yea and I told a jerk he was a jerk with a few choice words and it felt totally amazing! I figure I should insult the crap out of people more, it’s quite liberating hehehe.. Xoxo

Common-The Believer ft. John Legend

Then there’s that beautiful song Common and John Legend created together called “The Believer”!!!!! Totally incredibly awesome! Inspiring and soul lifting! Everyone needs to listen to this song at least once every day, it’s truly beautiful. The whole song is amazing from the arrangement, tune, lyrics, the voices, everything. If ever there were a perfect song, it’d be this. I love! Listen and thank me later for those of you who haven’t yet! Xoxo

Hope and Faith

At times it seems that life throws us more curve balls than we’re able to handle or that God has way too much faith in us since everyone says that God will never give you more than you are able to handle…

We each face challenges that we wish we could blink away but unfortunately, we go to sleep to wake up and find that they remain despite our fervent prayers.

My aim today is not to remind you of the fact that we all have issues we wish we didn’t have, it’s not to tell you that your case is not as hopeless as you think it is or to tell you that other people are dealing with harsher circumstances. My aim is to tell you that this is your life and it is worth living. My aim is to give you hope which will strengthen your faith, to make you secure in the knowledge that no matter what you face, you have a father in heaven who cares for you more than you can possibly imagine. His desire is that we come to him, that we bring our issues to him, and let him mould us into who we really need to be.

This life is not easy but your relationship with God will make it worth the while and he will give you grace to see past the pain and smile from your heart because it will all be well. This note is for me as much as for anyone who reads it and needs a reminder to keep the faith and not give up just yet.

I know what it feels like to want to throw in the towel and just let go but I refuse to give up, I’m a fighter and knowing God is there for me encourages me, I’m secure in the knowledge that he’s got me. This doesn’t mean that once in a while I don’t get worried, scared or feel overwhelmed, but it is specifically for those moments that i write this, so I remember not to worry, be scared or feel overwhelmed because the Lord God will never let me fall so I have to trust in his love for me.

I hope this helps you.

With all my love, xoxo.