About unrequited love...

I loved you…
Not for your looks, you weren’t that good looking
Not for your brilliance, you weren’t that smart or you’d be with me
It just was.
I fell for the unknown
It was in the way you just were.

About death... Always remembered, Josephine Nkem Masade nee Aginah and Ekene

The passing of a loved one is always a time for reflection, reminiscing on what was and could have been and almost always a time of regrets for the things we should have or shouldn't have said.
The dearest person I've lost to the cruel hands of death was my god mum,she was truly an amazing woman. She always had a kind word and was always teasing us and making jokes but knew when it was just right to bring the stick out :). She was the type of woman who always had a crowd at her home, she would literally pick people off the streets, take them home, feed them and get them jobs so they could survive and stay out of trouble,that's how loving she was and i will never forget her.
The death of a young person is usually harder to deal with, because it seems like such a waste to be cut short at such an early age. The bigger deal is, no one should have to bury their child, its just heartbreaking.I recently lost a relative, i wasn't close to him but i felt terrible because he was barely thirty and his dad died two years earlier leaving the responsibility of taking care of the family to his mum and him, being the first son. I cannot begin to imagine his mother's pain, its gut wrenching to even try to imagine.
I can only pray that God gives the family the grace to deal with this sad passing and the courage to persevere even when things seem at its bleakest.
And to you who has lost someone you love dearly, peace be with you, i reach out to you and embrace you with all the love i can give. The pain will not always be crippling, it'll pass and you'll always have those beautiful memories. Make the best of your life, give them reasons to smile down at you and go, "That's my darling." Xoxo

About religion

If i had been born into a Muslim family, i would have automatically become a Muslim, without giving thought to any other religion. If i had been born into a family of atheists, i probably would have been an atheist because i would be brought up to believe that there was no such thing as a supreme God. If after birth i was abandoned and then adopted by a Hindu family, i would have ended up practicing Hinduism with the rest of my family. My point is, there are certain defining factors that are thrust upon us by birth,like our religion, tribe, even our status in life as rich or poor until we are able to make our own decisions or circumstances change them for us.
My focus right now is religion, why do we settle for what we were born into? Is it because we trust that the right decisions were made for us or we just cant be bothered to truly find our faith. Does a thing as important as the God we pay allegiance to deserve to be left in the hands of just anyone? Shouldn't our faith be discovered by us?
For what its worth, this is something I've given a lot of thought to and over the years, I've come to realise that Christianity is the right path for me. At a point i decided to walk the path of atheism but i found that i believe within me that there's a higher power, he may not operate at the pace i want but he certainly operates.
I write this because I've come to a place of great understanding and peace which hasn't always existed for me. I was a christian back then, but the depth of peace and understanding i have now was never there until i finally chose Jesus. I didn't choose him because my family chose him for me but this time i did it for me.
Have you truly looked inward and decided the right path for you, not based on the opinions of others but the conviction you feel in your heart?
If you haven't, maybe it's time you did.... Xoxo

The Dress

I’m at a loss, I want to write about something that happened over the weekend with my friend but can’t help thinking, it’s about marriage and writing it will make it seem like I’m fixated on the whole marriage thing. Well, at the cost of seeming like a man hunter out to marry the next man who so much as looks at me, here goes…
She’s making my wedding dress, the one I’ve always dreamed of wearing, I designed it and even drew it ( I can’t draw to save my life but I did a pretty good drawing of this dress) and that’s the dress she’s going to make for her own wedding! Give me a gun now please!!! I have my hand over my face because I feel like such a petty cat but it does grate a little to know that the dress I always wanted and thought would be uniquely mine has been taken by someone else without my permission no less!! Here I go again being the petty cat (hand over my face).
I got to thinking, and I wondered, is it such a big deal that she’s going to be wearing my dress? Shouldn’t I be pleased she thought my design was good enough for her to make for her own wedding? All these are reasonable I believe, but it doesn’t change the fact that she took something that I was very passionate about and i feel betrayed. It’s pretty much like your friend stealing your man or your friend going to pay for the car you wanted despite knowing how badly you wanted it.
I guess there’ll always be times when people we care about will hurt our feelings; the best way to handle it is to let it go and do better for yourself. For instance, I’ve decided to design an even more fabulous dress for myself and the thought of that makes me happy. So, its straight to the drawing board for me. Xoxo

When you give me love…..

Right now, I’m listening to Katie Melua’s – No fear of Heights, and it’s the most beautiful song ever, I can’t get over it and I don’t want to. I’ve got it on replay and I’ve also decided that it’s going to be the first song my husband and I dance to on our wedding day! Any man who gets me to walk down the aisle with him totally deserves to have this amazing song dedicated to him.
On the wedding note, I have three of my best girls getting married between December and January, I am very happy for them but it also throws into sharp relief the fact that I am very single, a position my mother believes I’m determined to hold on to till she dies just to spite her for “training” me with knocks on the head while I was growing up:). On the contrary, I am more than willing to relinquish my hold on that title but for some reason I haven’t met anyone who I want to wake up next to for the rest of my life, they either have too much teeth or none at all:).
Seriously though, when I think about it, I realize that I could be married by now with maybe a kid or two but I’ve been waiting for someone who gives me love and I’ll have no fear of falling. Is that naive? Does such a thing exist? Have we been deceived by all those years of reading Mills & Boon into believing there’s a guy out there that will make us swoon and sigh with love? Does love really exist? I’m not asking about lust or sex but the real deal, that selfless giving that makes you sacrifice all you have and all you are?
I would really love to hear from a couple who have those feelings for one another so it’ll give those of us who have been holding out for it the nerve to keep going. How long can I keep waiting for it though? And what if it doesn’t exist? Dare I even begin to consider such a thing after all the time spent waiting?
I don’t have all the answers though but if there’s one thing I know for sure, it’s that with God all things are possible. So I guess he’s the hope I have that one day I’ll meet someone who makes the wait worth it 
Three weddings! The perfect reasons to splurge on shoes without feeling guilty! Yay! Bring me those weddings and really cute men, lol ;) xoxox

I wanna be starting something.....

All I can really think is how do I make more money? While a nine to five job is great, it’s still not enough! How can I help myself? What can I do that brings me indescribable joy and still puts cash in my pocket?
Okay, let’s see;
Dancing... nah
Singing... no way
Aristocracy... not likely
Writing... hmm, not sure...
Trading... not unless i'm ready to start shooting people cause that’s what I'll do to my debtors!
Then it hits me, Eureka!! Film making, documentary making to be precise!
Yes, I could see myself doing that but wait a second that fulfills only half of the dream; I mean I’ll love to film but what about the money bit? How can I make money from doing this?! And so I went on to question this for 2 years and here I am still searching for something to do that will bring me satisfaction and the much needed cash that will turn my little egg nest savings into a full blown dragon nest savings:)
I’ve come to realize that I for one spend a lot of precious time analyzing and weighing instead of just doing. Sometimes, we need to just do, stop asking too much questions and over thinking a situation. I believe all the prolonged questioning might be our sub-conscious trying to change our minds from doing stuff because we think we can’t handle it or make it work. This is not to say giving an issue thought is wrong, on the contrary its the best way to go but when you find yourself giving reasons why none of your ideas will work out then i believe its time to stop. At this point, run your ideas by someone knowledgeable weigh the pros and cons and work towards achieving it.
It’s quite possible that even after making the decision to start, somewhere in between we abandon the project. For instance, after i decided to start the documentary making process, with the help of a friend i got a camcorder to start with, just filming stuff and basically learning how to handle the camera and understanding it and what I hope to achieve with it. It took me 2 months after getting the camcorder to buy a memory card which I was supposed to use with it! Did I mention the shop were memory card is sold is just at the end of my street and I go by it every day after work?!
I’m just glad I have it now and hopefully I’m starting for real now and won’t pause in between. This I believe is how dreams become reality; be determined and take steps in the direction geared towards making your dreams as real as they can get. If you can dream it it’s very possible to achieve it with determination, heart and prayers. With these three ingredients, I don’t think there’s anything we can’t achieve.
Do something you’ve always wanted to but have been too scared to try; it’s good for the heart. It may not turn out exactly how you planned but you’ll have done something and conquered your fear.
I pray for the grace for us all to achieve our fullest potential and to live this life flying high like the rockstars that we are;)
Feel free to share something about you and the chance you took on something. Xoxo…

The Return

Where to begin….I guess Happy New Year is a good enough way to start this. Next is the reason for the long silence; I can only say that I was looking for depth. I started to feel that writing about my life was not good enough material; I had to write about stuff that affects people’s lives, after all who cares about my life? I’m not famous or aspiring to be famous and in need of some publicity! My reason for starting again? Someone asked me for my blog address because he wanted to know the real me of course I was very vague and after a while he dropped it. After I got home I decided to come here and I read my previous blogs and they reminded me of various times in my life, some funny and some sad. It felt really good, coming back and revisiting old memories and I just had to do this again. I’ve always loved to write but I don’t think i have the level of concentration it takes to write a complete book so this is me doing something I love in a way that works for me. It’s almost the same reason I like greeting cards; you can get to the gist of a matter with just three lines:) I figure I may never write about ridding the world of poverty or saving the world from the devastation of the violence which seems to be constantly taking over; but I can certainly do me and if the silliness of it can bring a smile to someone’s heart then my work will be done. I now understand there’s too much pain and suffering in the world, too much politics and too many know it all’s who are big on words but never act. The responsibility now rests on every one of our shoulders to find that one thing we can do that makes us happy regardless of other people’s opinions. I guess for me, this is doing me so make sure you go do you!
So, I guess all I’m trying to say with the big grammar is I’M BACK!!!
PS: I now do greeting cards designs, words and all; I also have a couple designs for t-shirts and I’ll be uploading some of them here really soon! Catch y’all laters xoxo!