New Perspective

I need a new perspective, either that or i really need to use the bathroom! I am sick and absolutely tired, i need a change so bad i can taste it. Well, to be honest i dont know what i'm tasting because i have a feeling that if change took a bite off me bum i might not even feel it. I say i want change but yesterday i had change stare me in the face and challenge me but i backed down. Not in a cowardly manner because i gave it a shot but i finally realise that the change i need is on a level too complex for even i to comprehend. All i know is that i feel dissatisfied and even work isnt helping because i have a lot to do but i dont feel like doing anything. I just want my life to be different, i want to go somewhere new, meet new people, not have to worry about money or making my dreams a reality, i need change in a bad way. The worse part is right now, taking a vacation is totally out of the question, saving for my big project wont allow it. I didnt start the day intending to whine or complain but somehow this negativity crept up on me and i feel like if i write or talk about it i can shake it off. I try so hard to be perfect but i just cant, maybe the problem is i'm trying too hard. For one, its so frustrating when i try not to curse because its bad for my mind and mouth but then when i do curse it feels so good i shake my head at me and give myself the whatthehelliswrongwithyou look! This i guess is just one of those days and i swear if anyone i know tells me they just got a great new job, found the perfect guy or bought a new car i will not be held responsible for my actions for i will without a doubt put them out of my misery!!!
As you may have noticed, my last post mentioned being expectant about something, well, it didnt quite work out. Anyways, my fingers are still crossed but i admit they're beginning to cramp a bit so i'm asking God for the grace to not let go.
I could go on and on but if i dont get to work, being without a job will add itself to the list of things i can whine about! Xoxo.