Listening to Give Me Love- Ed Sheeran as i write about "My Friend"

I didn’t go to get my test results yesterday, my boss resumed work after a month long leave so i had meetings all day long and my last meeting didn’t end till past 5, a little too late to get to the hospital. I’ll have to do that this morning, but I’d rather think of something else a bit more interesting, like my ‘friend’ who’s in the 3 year long very serious relationship. So, about my friend, we met through a mutual friend who warned me he had a girlfriend but gave him my bb pin because he thought I was cool after our first meeting. I didn’t mind, being the vain child that I am, I don’t mind anyone who thinks I’m cool  Anyways, we chatted for a few months and didn’t get the chance to see because I was always busy but eventually we did and I was my ridiculously charming self and of course he wanted to hang out again ;). It all started with him saying he wanted a movie partner and since I love the movies, it didn’t seem like a bad idea so we started going to see movies together and it swiftly progressed to all sorts of hang outs and to be honest, I’ve had a very fantastic time. I must confess though, we kissed once but that night I was a little, okay maybe a lot tipsy and I don’t really remember what the kiss felt like something I am very irritated by because later in the day, we had a sit down to discuss it and we both agreed it could never happen again. I know most people won’t approve of this alliance, especially since he keeps going on about how much he loves his girlfriend and how she’s his best friend. It would be smart to ask what I am then, his distraction? At this point, let me go into why I’m in it; he gives me something that I need, he gives me companionship. He’s very willing to spend time with me and I like that because If I didn’t have him in my life, there would be no one and I would probably be dwelling and upset that I didn’t have any one special. That’s why when my friends say he’s using me, I say maybe so, but is he the only one doing the using? We spend time together, he takes me places, we gist, we play and we enjoy each others company a lot and if that’s all I can get, then for right now it works for me. I know what it feels like to be lonely and right now I don’t feel lonely and for me that’s a blessing. Yes, it’s not perfect; we both do our own thing and the times he hangs out with his girlfriend gives me more time to do my own thing. There are those times when I try not to contact him because I feel like I may be intruding but somehow we always manage to make time for each other. I’ve also thought of the fact that chances are he may want to get married sometime soon and this has made me determined to find someone because at the end of the day he has someone to go back to and I want that for myself as well. Make no mistake, I’m not looking to break his relationship, far from it but I’m glad for his presence, I’m not totally lonesome! That is the most important thing, he fills a void and for right now, I’m just being happy. I understand how short life is now and I’m going to take my happiness wherever I can get it until we both have to move on. I know at some point this will end and when it does, I will walk away but for now I’m enjoying this. I’m very open to meeting someone but until that happens I’m not going to be sitting somewhere, wallowing, I’m going to be making the most of what I have. The only danger lies in me becoming too attached to him, I know there’s the risk of that happening, I’m not naïve, spending that much time with someone and talking and chatting with them every day opens one up to such possibilities but I made a promise to my friend, I told her if I ever catch myself getting too attached I would walk and I meant it. I felt the need to reflect on my life, my illness and him so i decided i would turn my phones off over the weekend and be free of distractions and my world for some days. I sent him a message just before I did saying he wouldn’t be able to reach me and turned the phones off before he could respond. Needless to say, he was upset but in a way that was me trying to put a bit of distance between us, a way of telling myself I can walk away when the time comes. He did not find it in the least bit funny but I have to protect myself, sort of… Well, life continues, I get to know my fate today and God willing, fingers crossed I’ll be doing the samba come mid day;) Xoxo. PS: Give Me Love by Ed Sheeran is amazing!